An open apology for my husband and his behaviour..

There are people in the world who speak the truth from their keyboard. Too highly evolved to approach a person to whom they would like to express a strong opinion, they remain gracefully anonymous and elegantly situated in the powerful light of their screens. I am blessed to have received a missive from one such creature, and not a moment too soon. It concerns my despicable husband and his equally morally lacklustre colleague and her family. I can’t do it justice by summary, so here it is in its glory:

Hey Stav, saw you at Easts Leagues Club tonight. Honestly, I think you and your party were rude, inconsiderate of others and downright obnoxious how you seemed to enjoy grandstanding your collective egos. No one was impressed one bit by the bold and undisciplined kids at your table squealing and screeching at your lame attention seeking behaviour. Who do you think you are? I can tell you people around you considered you a first class wanker! From dancat@virginbroadband.com.au

Now, I was as shocked to receive this on my website comments as you no doubt are to read it, especially if you’ve met Stav. Who would be brave enough to call out someone as obnoxious as my husband and risk the wrath of his colossal ego? Dancat would. I immediately grilled Stav on what the hell he thought he was doing, and these are the main points:

  • At around 7pm on a Monday night, he, his on air partner in crime Abby, her miscreant husband Scott and their two small children (at the ages of three and five where they should be seen and not heard, in my opinion), and our four year old daughter dined. The restaurant does have a kids menu and other children were in the area at the time, but this is no excuse for children to make noise, and certainly not for them to respond positively to attempts to engage them or cause them to laugh. Why were they not simply positioned at the table with books or tablets and asked to remain silent? I don’t know, Dancat. I’m at a loss to explain it myself.

 

  • The children did indeed make noise. This is incontrovertible. I myself have been in their company when Abby and Scott have allowed, nay encouraged, them to make sounds of mirth, and I must say I have even witnessed them have to be told more than once to do something. At their advanced ages, these boys should know better. “Bold” boys under the age of six? Sickening. And I can only wring my hands in horror at what kind of human our daughter will be after being raised as a hellcat.

 

  • Stav is a first class wanker. I often think it when he swans out of our family home at 4am every weekday morning for the thirteenth year. He’s almost completely unbearable in the way he raises our daughter to be curious and joyful and respectful. And his refusal, no, negligence, in failing to discipline other people’s children? Well. Don’t get me started. And obnoxious! You don’t know the half of it, Dancat. I’ve stood at his side for 17 years, seen him grow from a young man to the man he is today, and I literally can’t count the amount of times he’s failed to listen to me, or treated anyone in our lives disrespectfully. I literally can’t count those times.

So thank you, Dancat. You were so right that you would get the approval and validation you so richly deserve for your bravery and honesty in reaching out to the wife of the man in question. I haven’t always been a mother, and I wish I had your courage in reaching out anonymously via the web to those families that interrupted my child free dining.

I have also reached out to Easts via their facebook page and asked whether children are welcome in the dining area. Apparently, they are.  Children? In a club which purports in its advertising to appeal to families? Disgusting.

Yours in awe

Kat.

Gigs – to the end of 2017

If you’re looking for me on land or at sea, this is where you’ll find me for the rest of the year. Announcements soon on festival shows in 2018…

Saturday November 4 Fundraiser for Logan Lightning

November 10 – 13 Pacific Eden ex Sydney  – P & O Comedy Cruise

Friday November 17 – Knock Off Comedy at Brisbane Powerhouse

Saturday November 25 – Calamvale Hotel

Thursday November 30 – Nerang RSL

Saturday December 2 – Calamvale Hotel

Wednesday December 6 – Pig n Whistle Indro Open Mic MC

Thursday and Friday Dec 7 and 8 – Sit Down Comedy Club Paddo Tavern – with Danny McGinlay, who is truly awesome to watch..

Saturday December 9 – Alex Hills Hotel 

December 14 – 17 Pacific Explorer ex Sydney P&O Comedy Cruise

I can also be heard every Wednesday afternoon at 2:05pm on ABC Radio Brisbane and Queensland making mischief with Kelly Higgins-Devine

 

My opinion on your opinion. You may not like it…

Your opinion is probably right and no doubt well researched, comes from a deep well of experience and is just bursting out of you full of passion and certainty. Or it is wrong, borne out of ignorance and fear or sourced from the writings of people as misguided as yourself. Either way, it is needy for the ears and eyes of strangers, for the sage nods of recognition and the digital thumbs up that pass for agreement these days.

Here’s the thing. Whether you’re en pointe and bang on and pitching perfectly, or dangerously wrong and flailing about like Trump at a hastily called press conference, do feel free to stop adding your sanctimonious judgement to your opinion.

You check out your opinion in the mirror. It looks good on you. It hugs in all the right places. In the light you’re standing in, it makes you look a little taller, and accentuates all your best assets. But I tried it on after you left, and you said it looked great as you left, but it made me feel small. It didn’t take my history into account and I felt uncomfortable at how constricting it was around my throat. It just didn’t fit me, but it was so right on you.

Look, maybe I’m banging on with too many neat turns of phrase here. I just feel like there are too many instructions disguised as musings in the world. There are a thousand ways to be a good person, a good mum, a good boss, a good runner, a good human, a good Australian, a good TV star, a good dad, and good divorcee, a good consumer, a good Christian, a good gender equality advocate, a good whatever the hell you’re trying to be. It’s confusing these days. All the easy labels and definitions are gone. All the boundaries are shifting and we’re all trying to figure out how to be happy (or at least not miserable) and not be an arsehole. At least, those are my main goals. Again, they may not be yours, and there I go telling you what should be toppermost of your poppermost.

It’s the difference between ‘this is my experience of raising a child’ and ‘all good parents do XYZ’, between ‘If I was an athlete, I wouldn’t choose to use my beauty to promote my sport’ and ‘that man/woman is not empowered because they’re in a tight outfit’. It’s ‘I got through my anxiety by doing the following’ and ‘you’re weak if you choose medication/ meditation/whatever..’.

Don’t get me wrong. Please have an opinion. And please put it in front of me, particularly if it’s different to mine. Please disagree with me and show me facts I didn’t know, or may have misinterpreted. Please tell me what is going on in your head, what you’ve discovered, or are figuring out, and why you think you might be on track or lost in the dark. There’s one women’s site I’m thinking of as I write that does this so much it makes my teeth ache. It will tell the story of an event in the lives of some humans and break down how right, wrong, significant or trivial those experiences are and why that is so. Is it the way writing is heading? Is it important to draw a conclusion, a moral imperative, before you sign off? Maybe it is. Maybe I’m wrong…

 

Gigs from May to August 2016

You can hear me on air on 612 ABC Brisbane for Weekends until July 3. Brisbane only 6am – 10am Saturdays and state wide Saturdays and Sundays 10am to midday. Listen live here or listen back to the best stories on Soundcloud here.

Saturday May 21 MC Open Mic Night @ Embassy Craft Beer Bar

Thursday May 26 Ballina RSL headline

Wednesday June 8 feature Witty Wednesday Bracken Ridge Tavern

Friday June 17 Alex Hills High Fundraiser

Saturday June 18 – Calamvale Hotel Feature

Sunday June 19 – Stones Corner open Mic MC

Thursday June 23 Hamilton Hotel open mic MC

Saturday June 25 – Alex Hills Hotel Feature

Friday- Saturday June 30/ July 1 Sit Down (Paddo) MC

Saturday July 9 Swiss Hockey Fundraiser

Thursday – Saturday July 21/22/23 – Sit Down (Paddo) Headline

 

Gigs, ABC Radio and the Return of He Said/ She Said

When Stav and I finished our run of He Said/ She Said at the Powerhouse last year, we wished we could do the show again. It was so much fun to do, and the response was amazing. The great news is – we get to bring it to Lions Richlands for one night only Saturday April 30!

Get your tix and info here.

I’ll list my other comedy gigs for the next few months below, but I’ll mostly be at 612 ABC Brisbane hosting Weekends from 6am to midday Saturdays and 10am -noon Sundays. You can listen to it from anywhere in the world here.

Thursday March 10 – Kingscliff Beach Bowls Club headline

Sunday March 13 – Stones Corner Open Mic MC

Friday March 18 Caboolture Sports Club feature

Saturday March 19 – Sit Down Comedy Club Paddington MC

Monday March 21- Newmarket Hotel open mic MC

Tuesday March 22  – Boundary Hotel open mic MC

April 1 – 4 Pacific Jewel Comedy Cruise ex Sydney

Sunday April 10 – Stones Corner Hotel open mic MC

April 14, 21, 28 – Bundaberg, Toowoomba, Pelican Waters – details TBC.